The Press is in Dire Need

They are in dire need of something, let me tell you. The Press all act as if they "know" exactly what's going on with my team. If they knew so damn much, maybe they'd be making $4m a year instead of stirring up the commoners with their two-bit columns.

Let's take Cecil Hurt. Nice enough fellow, but damn. Check this out from his column today: "When watching practice, even in small doses, and trying to form a preseason opinion about the upcoming year’s team, it’s often helpful to try to form some comparison of the current team with some of its predecessors.

Like snowflakes, no two teams are identical. (Who thought that there could be a snowflake reference to Tuesday’s practice?)

Over the course of the last few days, based not only on limited practice observation but also on scrimmage reviews and statistics and, most importantly, the comments of coach Nick Saban, there seems to be parallels between this team and other Tide teams of the past. The fact is, it appears that this team is going to have to rely heavily on offensive production to win games. That’s because the defensive talent, relative to the other teams in the league, may be at a low level that hasn’t been seen since 1969.

The previous paragraph is going to require a good bit of explication."

Cecil, buddy, "explication"? What the hell is that? Two teams like a "snowflake"? Are you kiddin? I'm not letting you anywhere near my boys again until you take off your skirt. This team has nothing to do with 2006, or 1992 or 1969 or 1892. For one, I wasn't here then. For two, I wasn't here then. And for three, how can you draw that conclusion when I don't even let you watch practice?

Let me repeat: we don't have a depth chart. My boys are not the losers they looked like a year ago. Coaching matters. Cecil, this wasn't very good butt-kissing material. Siuya. You're gonna have to run laps for the next interview. I've got the Jester across the state, and you're making a strong case for Village Idiot. Gotta go get my Saban Moca. Roll Bama.