Don't writers usually kiss my butt?

Ok, it's been a pretty hectic day. Let me get right to it before heading over to The Globe for a beverage and some dinner. Don't worry, Mal has already given me the "don't be Mike Price" speech. Dude, my destiny is to win the title, not end up coaching at UTEP.

First, the scrimmage was a real fun time. While dreaming of renaming the field, we got some serious work done. John Wilson Parker had a fantastic afternoon. Jimmy had a few nice catches. And no, I'm not passing out a new version of the depth chart.

Then I had this article sent to me... Cary Estes, a "freelance" (read: unemployed) writer form Birmingham, put some crap online at MSNBC.com. Doesn't he understand this will forever keep him out of the press box at Bryant-Saban-Denny-Stadium?

Anyway, last January he writes eloquently about my being an SOB - true dat, I really can't argue with that notion. I'm definitely a son-of-a-bitch. Let me quote the young Estes from that article: "Enter Saban. The issue here is not with Saban’s record. He went 48-16 during five seasons at LSU, capturing two SEC crowns and the 2003 BCS national championship. Plus, he managed to beat Auburn twice." Not bad stuff, definitely butt-kissing material.

Then I get this article published today where he wonders why I get more press than anything not a deity in these parts. Something about my record not being worthy of the attention. Quoting Young Estes: "What is questionable is whether his record indicates that he is worth all the hoopla and the moolah ($32 million over eight years)." Cary, Gary, whatever, this is not exactly kissing my ass.

Hey Gary, which is it? Ohh, I see, you get to play both ways with the numbers depending on what you're writing. Here's a number for ya: zero. That's the number of interviews you'll get this year. And given the economic impact I've already had on this town, I'm more than worth $4m a year. That's why I'm the King. Gary, don't forget to get your "Sabanation" t-shirt, it's the closest you'll get to this Crimson royalty. Roll Bama.

Down on the sideline

I know you guys are just dying to know what's shaking down here on the sideline. Since I'm King, I closed all practices to the public. Can't have those spies from Jesterville or Pumpkinville spyin on my team. But it is my first scrimmage of the fall, so I'll give ya'll the scoop.

We've just unveiled the wishbone. Figured it worked for the Bear, so certainly it can work for me. Maybe we'll go to white shoes and white helmets too. Ha, gotcha. Those things are hideous. Can't believe the Perkinator even tried that stuff back in the 80s. Ranked right up there with his decision to pull down The Tower. I'd like to give him some cred, but he went on to coach the Tampa Bay Succaneers when they played in those butt-ugly uniforms. Even worse than my decision to coach the Fish. Anybody seen him lately?

Seriously, though, the move of Jimmy to fullback seems to be working nicely. That dude has great hands, and I don't know how anybody can bring him down when he hits the open field. Gosh I hope he's that good and our defense isn't that bad. Mr. BMOC better keep going to class if he wants to play.

Wow, this is like heaven. Saban Field at Bryant-Denny Stadium. I'm looking around the stadium right now where all my admirers will be come September 1. I didn't major in math, but that's only three weeks from today. I can't believe Steak Boy blew this gig. People buy me lunch, get my coffee, and generally kiss my butt. Of course that's the press, but the fans are pretty slick too. They send me all kinds of crap to sign - one guy even pulled the door off his motor home and FedExed it to campus for me to autograph. Signed, Sincerely Yours, King of the 'Bama nation, King Saban. Must be pretty drafty in his house right now.

Mal, it's damn hot out here. Tell Paul Jr. to get me some lemonade. Pronto. Roll Bama.

Friday afternoon on the Quad

Saban Chimes? Naa, that might be a bit much before next year. Mal says I should cool my jets. But my wife simply loves this place (except for that little kiss on the cheek when we landed last January). Apparently our phones have been ringing off the hook since I made my diary public. Mal says he might even get a computer for this.

Just took a walk across the Quad on the way back from lunch over at the Ferguson Center. Must have signed a thousand autographs. These kids love me. Yes, it's hotter than Tiger fat in a fryin pan, but what are ya gonna do about it? It seems the local press row - all hanging out in their air conditioned motor homes - are making quite a deal of my not having sympathy for my players in this heat.

This is The University of Alabama for cryin out loud. Doesn't everybody realize what a crappy record this school had last year? Not that Steak Boy left me tons of talent, but even Bill Curry and Mike DuBose won SEC Championships here. If we were Ole Miss or Vandy or Auburn or somethin I could understand the belly aching to just call it a day, but we're gunning for a championship. I'm the King making $4m a year, and I make it so.

I see the press over there all cozy. I'd love to see Paul Finebaum and Cecil Hurt do a 50-yard dash for my next sizzling quote. I wonder if either of them could make it. Maybe one of those ESPN blowhards would like to jump in there too. Corso? Ha. First one to midfield gets the next interview. Roll Bama.

Thursday Practice Update

Ok, Mal says I have to give these fricken practice updates daily. Like every day. I wonder, how much does the press actually think things change from day to day. They eat this stuff up - I sometimes put strange colored jerseys on kids just to get a rise out of reporters. "It's the new Saban System," they sometimes murmur. I can't believe how gullible they are.

Anyway, here's the update for yesterday. My boys practiced twice. It was hotter than holy hell. No, we haven't decided on a starting running back. Heck, we haven't decided on squat. Right now, we're just running around in shorts trying to get in better shape so we don't wilt in November. This massive heat wave is great for team building. Roll Bama. The King needs some shade.

From the practice field

I'm tryin to do some posting from the practice facility with my new phone. Damnit, I cannot type on these tiny keys. Before I throw the vest, will someone please call Houston Nutt and ask him how he does this so much?

Let's turn up the heat

Folks, we started two-a-days. This morning when we hit the field it was already hot enough to fry some Tiger meat on the pavement. My boys sure are working hard. None of them puked this morning, so they are getting in better shape. We'll see how they perform this afternoon when the temperature hits 100 degrees.

By the way, I still wear the vest in this heat. Makes me feel in control.

Threw everybody a bone with a depth chart. Mal says I need to do this to keep the fan base energized. Decided I would play with their minds and talk about the old 49ers and Jimmy Johns at fullback. I'm not sure Jimmy will hit the field this fall, but it sure made for some good fodder at the local barber shop.

Got a kick out of reading Cecil Hurt's article at the Tuscaloosa News this morning. Doesn't he get that I don't like the press - especially brown nosers? He really laid it on thick in his morning column. Talked about the enjoyable aspects to covering the "rapid-fire workings of the Saban mind." Did you get that out of a romance novel? What the heck. I just talk, and these guys lap it up like cats over milk. Cecil, buddy, we're never gonna be friends, so stop trying so hard. You'll not get the scoop ahead of anybody else.

Welcome me to the Net

My life is simply fantastic. It's not like I'm braggin or anything, but come on. I just got handed $32m over eight years to coach football. Is this a great country or what? Aside from getting out of that stupid pro game, I was even able to get under the skin of NCAA Prez Miles Brand who thought I might be getting paid a little too much dinero. Apparently ol' Miles doesn't look at the income statement of participating universities when it comes to Bowls and March Madness. I'm a bargain.

Speaking of Miles, does anybody know why Les Miles is so ticked off at LSU? Damn, I left him a cupboard full of talent and no NCAA snoopers in the house. No need to drop the F-bomb on me Les. Perhaps you're feeling a bit insecure?

Attention media outlets: I really am a nice guy. Stop going through my trash for clues. I'm not leaving here ever, or at least not for 18 months or so.

Anyway, I digress. It's hotter than hell out here on the practice field. My guys are on the edge of puking. But this will all pay off down the road. Like I said at my press conference when I was hired, I want every team to simply hate lining up against the University of Alabama.