I'm calling it Saban Bowl

It's true, I am the King, but I had no idea how good it felt to beat the Pumpkin Boy from Saban Field at Bryant Denny. Holy crap, that was such a beating that it was as if Bear Bryant himself was on the sideline. Except he wasn't. I was. The King.

Of course I had my boys ready to play. For starters, I was tired of hearing that bullcrap all week out of Ole Miss about that replay. The guy was out of bounds, and you suck, ok? You are Ole Miss. Understand your place in the Kingdom.

Second, it was Tennessee. We all know how Pumpkin shredded this program with the NCAA (thus creating my throne for me down the road). His miscalculation was that a coach worth a damn would be worthy enough to win and clean up the mess he helped create. I'm convinced the orange porker was behind this textbook mess last week right before game time.

In case you haven't noticed, we're #1 in the SEC West and play Lester's bunch in two weeks here in T-town. It's very confusing: all these folks in Louisiana have these anti-Saban t-shirts. Don't they remember I actually won a national title there? Coach Cajun Potty Mouth truly has no brains, and will surely screw this season up for the state of Louisiana. Come on, that touchdown pass in the waning seconds against Auburn wasn't brave, it was stupid. All he needed was a field goal. And if his boy had bobbled it, Auburn wins, and the LSU Chancellor sticks a "for sale" sign in Lester's front yard.

Ok, enough about all that. We have a big game in two weeks. I'm calling it Saban Bowl. Yeah, that's right. Kinda like Super Bowl, only bigger. None of the Lincoln Abe Financial crap for a start time either. 5pm in the afternoon, so plenty of time for all of you to get tanked up before game time.

Sabamania. Saban Bowl. Beating LSU. It's that happy Carma where all good things in life come together at once. Lester Miles, SIUYA.

Roll Bama.

Lincoln Financial? I don't think so

So Mal comes in my office this afternoon and says, "Hey, Lincoln Financial Sports wants us to play your first game at 11:30 am."

Lincoln financial what? 11:30? Mal, what are you drinking over there? I haven't even finished my coffee yet, much less am I ready to go kick Western's hind end with my back-ups that early in the morning. It seems LFS doesn't know KNS yet. That's King Nick Saban. If this were rock-paper-scissors, LFS would be paper and I would be a nuke.

Not only would our pre-game prep have to start at dawn, but so would the tailgating. That's a lot of drunk folks on campus very early in the morning. And doesn't Abe Financial get that it's my coming out party as King of Tuscaloosa and everything great about 'Bama football? Morons. They seem almost as dumb as the press who follows me.

"Mal, tell Lincoln Financial whatever that I am the King, and 'Bama doesn't play before high noon." Done. We'll be playing a pay-per-view gig later in the evening so all my adoring fans can enjoy the day in God's County.

Hope Lincoln Financial isn't part of this sub-prime housing mess. I'd hate to see Kentucky vs Eastern Kentucky not get to air that day. That's sure to be an amazing game. As long as you don't actually know what good football is. Time for a little dinner over near Lake Tuscaloosa. Roll Bama.