I'm calling it Saban Bowl

It's true, I am the King, but I had no idea how good it felt to beat the Pumpkin Boy from Saban Field at Bryant Denny. Holy crap, that was such a beating that it was as if Bear Bryant himself was on the sideline. Except he wasn't. I was. The King.

Of course I had my boys ready to play. For starters, I was tired of hearing that bullcrap all week out of Ole Miss about that replay. The guy was out of bounds, and you suck, ok? You are Ole Miss. Understand your place in the Kingdom.

Second, it was Tennessee. We all know how Pumpkin shredded this program with the NCAA (thus creating my throne for me down the road). His miscalculation was that a coach worth a damn would be worthy enough to win and clean up the mess he helped create. I'm convinced the orange porker was behind this textbook mess last week right before game time.

In case you haven't noticed, we're #1 in the SEC West and play Lester's bunch in two weeks here in T-town. It's very confusing: all these folks in Louisiana have these anti-Saban t-shirts. Don't they remember I actually won a national title there? Coach Cajun Potty Mouth truly has no brains, and will surely screw this season up for the state of Louisiana. Come on, that touchdown pass in the waning seconds against Auburn wasn't brave, it was stupid. All he needed was a field goal. And if his boy had bobbled it, Auburn wins, and the LSU Chancellor sticks a "for sale" sign in Lester's front yard.

Ok, enough about all that. We have a big game in two weeks. I'm calling it Saban Bowl. Yeah, that's right. Kinda like Super Bowl, only bigger. None of the Lincoln Abe Financial crap for a start time either. 5pm in the afternoon, so plenty of time for all of you to get tanked up before game time.

Sabamania. Saban Bowl. Beating LSU. It's that happy Carma where all good things in life come together at once. Lester Miles, SIUYA.

Roll Bama.

Welcome me back King Saban

Yes, it's been a few weeks and another loss since we last got together. Truth is, I've been busy planning for the second half of the season with little time for fanfare. And, of course, losin kinda sucks. I keep telling the media freps to lay off, but they insist on stirring up controversy down here. In the meantime, thanks for all the emails.

I think our boys are making some nice strides. We don't know how to play 60 minutes yet, but I expect that to improve as the season ebbs on.

On a lighter note, did ya'll see ol Lester yesterday? Dude lost to Kentucky. A team that wears all blue uniforms. LSU gets to #1 for exactly one week for the first time since Moses walked the earth before Coach Cajun Potty Mouth squirrels away a two-touchdown lead at Kentucky in the fourth quarter. Those media guys were all about "Saban who" after their "big" win over Florida. Funny, they can't go a week down there without talking about what a great job I did while I was coaching there. I don't think LSU lost to Kentucky while I was there.

Wonder what bowl LSU is headed to after they finish third in the SEC West? Music City? I'm guessin LSU Alums already have the jet fueled up for Lester's moved to Ann Arbor.

It's Pumpkin week. Nope, not Halloween. It's Fulmer in Tuscaloosa. Let the Sabanoia begin. Lincoln Abe Financial, start kissing my butt if you want an interview. Can't believe those freps at CBS chose Kentucky vs Florida over the Third Saturday in October. Morons. Don't they know we keep our fans glued to their seats until the buzzer every single week?

Auburn, LSU, and Tennessee. And CBS. SIUYA.

Roll Bama.

The Unemployment Line

Much Crimson Carma to Keith H. from somewhere in Alabama for this shot. I wonder where these two wonderlichs will end up next year? Feel free to captionate on this one. Discuss.

Roll Bama.

Some interesting math

Contract Boy says I should keep working on my image. Much love to the US Department of Education for supplying the figures below. A whole lot has been made of my salary. I'm not a math whiz, but it seems to me that the economic impact I bring the University should be taken into account. Did you see the 92,000 who showed up for the spring fun? How much extra beer and food and Bama stuff do you think got consumed as a result?

How much do you think that free advertising for the University on the cover of Sports Illustrated this week is worth? Some dufus with the Atlanta-Journal & Stupidness said a few less potholes would get fixed this year in the state. They don't get it. I'm an investment in growth, not a cost center eating up valuable resources.

Anywho, throwing out the facts that most of my salary is paid from outside-the-university resources, if we just look at the revenue the University produces in football in comparison to my salary vs other schools, you get some interesting math. Sly looks way overpaid. P.S. Miles Brand of the non-profit group called the NCAA made almost $900,000 last year alone. What's he producing? He's no King. Roll Bama.

SEC coach	Salary	Football revenue	Percentage
King Saban, Alabama	$4,000,000	$44,426,312	9.0%
Jester, Auburn	2,231,000	51,598,921	4.3
Pumpkin Boy, Tennessee	2,050,000	27,732,427	7.3
Cockadoodle, South Carolina	1,750,000	33,051,529	5.2
Urban Legend,Florida	1,525,550	48,194,552	3.1
Lester, LSU	1,450,000	39,528,895	3.7
Boss Hog, Arkansas	1,049,644	28,466,785	3.7
Sylvester Croom, Miss.State	940,000	7,185,069	13.0
Ed Orgeron, Ole Miss	905,000	16,563,825	5.4
Rich Brooks, Kentucky	729,165	19,793,174	3.6

Some others

BCS game coach	Salary	Football revenue	Percentage
Jim Tressel, Ohio State	$2,013,700	$60,773,537	3.3
Bobby Petrino, Louisville	1,743,000	16,331,615	9.3
Bob Stoops, Oklahoma	3,450,000	33,757,486	10.0
Chris Peterson, Boise State	511,880	8,542,522	6.0
Lloyd Carr, Michigan	1,454,619	50,365,537	2.9
Trojan Man, S. California	2,782,320	27,777,249	10.0
Catholic Boy, Notre Dame	3,300,000	61,463,627	5.3

Opening Day: An Ode to Greatness

During my morning jog, I began to think of the upcoming season. I get all teary-eyed thinking of the Legend I'm about to become here. Thinking of the cover of Sports Illustrated. Gotta put a framed copy over the toilet in my bathroom. There will be streets, monuments, and buildings - all with my name on them. So cool. I got so excited I wrote a poem:

We are but nine days from kick-off time
And the King of ‘Bama is doing just fine.
Jester, Lester, Pumpkin Boy, and the Press
Are all dreaming ‘Bama is a mess.
Alas, the cupboard Is not empty.
And The King is in charge.
Perkinator was no fun, Curry had bricks;
Stallings is the man;
DuBose was clumsy, Aggie Boy ran;
Destiny Price nary coached a game;
Did Steak Boy ever "coach" a game?
Mal needed a great coach with a little class
And boy, did the $4m King save his ass.
After all is said and done
The question isn’t if, but how many,
Championships the Tide have won.
Where will my statue reside?
Probably next to Bear, purchased by the
Members of Tide Pride. Roll Bama.

Football Coach. King. Legend. Poet. I've got it all.

Pumpkin Boy is getting the band back together

Much love to Jim Bob from Opp, AL, for this snapshot of Pumpkinator getting ready for the season. That's right, you don't see a whistle around his neck or a football in his hands. Apparently Karma is catching up with Pumpkin Boy, so he's decided to ready himself for his next career: aging hillbilly rock star.

I hope he coaches at least long enough for the King to whip his butt in October. Dude, if Steak Boy could beat Pumpkinator, look out. The King is ready.

I wonder if Johnny Majors will sing back-up? Lord, I hope not. Walking through the Saban-Bryant Museum, it looks like the only song he knew was the classic, "When we gonna beat 'Bama?" It was a tear-jerker.

I'd love to see a version of Rocky Top. Pumpkin on guitar, Johnny on drums, and maybe Cockadoodle on voice. Coach Cajun Potty Mouth can write the lyrics. If they need a "face" for the band, I think Steak Boy might be available.

That sofa looks like it came from the 1970s. Along with that tie. Roll Bama.