I knight thee King Nick II

I'm the first to admit that I'm immortal. I will probably never leave the earth, and coach 'Bama football for the next 1,000 years - cause that's what Kings like Napoleon did. Still hard to believe France was ever in charge of anything. I'm pretty sure I could take some 'Bama Militia and own that place. Renaming the Eiffel Tower in my honor would be cool. Anyway, I digress.

Mal has some worries about my leaving before my contract is up. Mal, look at my history, and please tell me you're planning for this. Contract Boy sees this from a totally different perspective. He's getting something like 5% of $4m a year in management fees. I can't do that math in my head, but Contract Boy tells me that's about $1m a year. One of the reasons I love that guy so much is that he's so good with the numbers.

Anyway, it's the 21st century and stuff. And it seems like since I'm King, I should be able to clone myself. Come on, what's better than one King Nick? Bingo, two King Nicks. Rather than leaving Tuscaloosa when I decide to head to Lake Burton, I could just pull the Clone Boy out of the closet and put him on the sideline. Nobody would be the wiser. I'm King of the Football Universe, and such a genius too.

This seems like a win-win. I could leave immediately after the University renames the stadium in my honor for pulling this program out of the porta-potty Steak Boy left it in. Mal would have a plan for the next coach. King Saban II. Wow, I could save his ass for a second time. And Contract Boy doubles his fees to $3m a year. Roll Bama.