Lincoln Financial? I don't think so

So Mal comes in my office this afternoon and says, "Hey, Lincoln Financial Sports wants us to play your first game at 11:30 am."

Lincoln financial what? 11:30? Mal, what are you drinking over there? I haven't even finished my coffee yet, much less am I ready to go kick Western's hind end with my back-ups that early in the morning. It seems LFS doesn't know KNS yet. That's King Nick Saban. If this were rock-paper-scissors, LFS would be paper and I would be a nuke.

Not only would our pre-game prep have to start at dawn, but so would the tailgating. That's a lot of drunk folks on campus very early in the morning. And doesn't Abe Financial get that it's my coming out party as King of Tuscaloosa and everything great about 'Bama football? Morons. They seem almost as dumb as the press who follows me.

"Mal, tell Lincoln Financial whatever that I am the King, and 'Bama doesn't play before high noon." Done. We'll be playing a pay-per-view gig later in the evening so all my adoring fans can enjoy the day in God's County.

Hope Lincoln Financial isn't part of this sub-prime housing mess. I'd hate to see Kentucky vs Eastern Kentucky not get to air that day. That's sure to be an amazing game. As long as you don't actually know what good football is. Time for a little dinner over near Lake Tuscaloosa. Roll Bama.