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Apparently, Lester would like the fan base in Cajun Country to dress like some of his players. Check out this pict sent to us from Holly in Baton Rouge. Team colors and everything.
Roll Bama.

Wow, I can't believe it

As we head to Saban Bowl I, all I've heard is how pissed off the "LSU Nation" is at me for coming back to college football. Maybe it's just a bunch of bullcrap from the media. I mean, come on, they never mislead their readership with an exaggeration of the facts, do they? Well, Mal says I'm liked by everybody. And I guess this means LSU Nation. Check out this shot from Debra in Tuscaloosa - looks like they miss me.
Roll Bama.

It's my birthday; my gift to Les Miles

You know, somebody told me that Lester was feeling a little blue at all the attention I'm getting leading up to this game. After all, his birthday is in a couple of weeks. I decided that I should honor this where all good things come together in the Universe. Kinda like Crimson Carma.

So I sent him this autographed picture. More importantly, I left him a little note that you can't read on the image here. But it says, "Dear Lester, Best Wishes. Maybe you'll experience the feeling of this photograph at your next coaching job. Yours Truly, King Nick."

Roll Bama.

It's my Birthday Today. And Halloween. Scary stuff.

This has been a great year for the King, no doubt. Today I'm turning 56, so don't forget to send cards and letters. No gifts are required. Mal game me four million of those a year last January, and frankly, just having to watch Les Miles squirm on the sideline of Saban Field at Bryant Denny Stadium this weekend is gift enough.

Saban Bowl I Mania heats up

Folks, it's almost that time. While drinking my Sabamoca this morning, I decided to take the New York Times back to the throne for a sit-down. There it is - front page of the sports section, yet another story on the insecurity of the LSU coach and fan base. I know I'm the King, but this is even a little bit bigger than the Tuscaloosa News.

This quote from LSU fan Linda Hendricks caught my eye: “He could have been governor. He could have been president. Now he’s a traitor. He’s not even sexy anymore.”

Uh, Linda, if you have deep enough pockets in the state of Louisiana, you can be anything you want. Last I saw, most of it is like Lester's house is gonna be in a month or so: for sale. And Linda, you know I'm sexy.

These poor LSU fans, I just don't get it. They were losers before I got there. I brought them a championship, and unbelievable athletes. They can't even enjoy all the winning while they have it. Before long, 'Bama will rule the SEC West again, and LSU championships will be nothin but a memory.

Roll Bama.

Some Cajun Hunting

Much love to Cindy Lou from Baton Rouge for this shot. I feel like there is much to say about this photo, but I'm guessin the picture says it all.

By the way, did ya'll hear that comment I made about the upcoming game "being all about the players" and not about the coaches at all? Ok, that is crap. I wanted to say the right thing. Mal said I should. But truthfully, for my own self gratification, I hope we kick LSU's ass. How great would it be to take LSU players and beat 'Bama 3 years ago, then turn around and beat those LSU players with my 'Bama kids on November 3? Says something about my great coaching.

I hope Les Miles goes for about 8 first downs on fourth down in a couple of weeks.

Roll Bama.

I'm calling it Saban Bowl

It's true, I am the King, but I had no idea how good it felt to beat the Pumpkin Boy from Saban Field at Bryant Denny. Holy crap, that was such a beating that it was as if Bear Bryant himself was on the sideline. Except he wasn't. I was. The King.

Of course I had my boys ready to play. For starters, I was tired of hearing that bullcrap all week out of Ole Miss about that replay. The guy was out of bounds, and you suck, ok? You are Ole Miss. Understand your place in the Kingdom.

Second, it was Tennessee. We all know how Pumpkin shredded this program with the NCAA (thus creating my throne for me down the road). His miscalculation was that a coach worth a damn would be worthy enough to win and clean up the mess he helped create. I'm convinced the orange porker was behind this textbook mess last week right before game time.

In case you haven't noticed, we're #1 in the SEC West and play Lester's bunch in two weeks here in T-town. It's very confusing: all these folks in Louisiana have these anti-Saban t-shirts. Don't they remember I actually won a national title there? Coach Cajun Potty Mouth truly has no brains, and will surely screw this season up for the state of Louisiana. Come on, that touchdown pass in the waning seconds against Auburn wasn't brave, it was stupid. All he needed was a field goal. And if his boy had bobbled it, Auburn wins, and the LSU Chancellor sticks a "for sale" sign in Lester's front yard.

Ok, enough about all that. We have a big game in two weeks. I'm calling it Saban Bowl. Yeah, that's right. Kinda like Super Bowl, only bigger. None of the Lincoln Abe Financial crap for a start time either. 5pm in the afternoon, so plenty of time for all of you to get tanked up before game time.

Sabamania. Saban Bowl. Beating LSU. It's that happy Carma where all good things in life come together at once. Lester Miles, SIUYA.

Roll Bama.

Secret Meeting with Lester Miles

Sometimes I keep secrets. Come on, guys in my position – basically the Chairman of the Board if you get my drift – have to keep things close to the vest.

Anywho, after some light yoga and meditation this morning (this is how I control my anger towards the press), I ventured on over to Bryant Hall for an important meeting. I decided for the good of both our souls, states, and football programs we really needed to make peace. Ok, this is actually bullshit. One of Cajun Potty Mouth’s minions set the meeting up. Lester and a couple of his assistants were waiting on me when I arrived. Made him wait something like 12 minutes so that he knows I’m important.

“Nick,” says Cajun Potty Mouth. It’s already all I can do not to bite my own leg off, but I don’t say anything at this obvious disrespect by not addressing me in the proper way. “I’m hungry.”

Ok, so I take him over to the cafeteria. This is like the peace talks at Camp David. I lead him and his pack around to show I’m in control. We get back to my office, where he directs his assistants to sit and they all do like dogs following around their owner. I mean, seriously, it was pathetic. Guy ate a salad instead of sausage and eggs. Must be a wuss.

“So Nick, I think you know why I’m here.” Actually, I had no freaking idea. “Lester, what the hell do you want?”

“I was hoping Mike left you some direction here.” Steak Boy? Are you kidding me? “What we like to do here is called cooperation – see, if you’ll give me a copy of your spring playbook, I’ll be sure to send you one of ours sometime in November. We’ve done this with Mike for the last four years – everything except that part where we send him a copy of ours. But I’ll be sure to do that this year.”

The coffee I was drinking came spouting right out of my nose. “Are you friggin kidding me Lester? My staff and I have a word for this: ‘siuya.’”

He said he didn’t know what this meant, was it a foreign word or something. Of course Lester is stupid and spouts off at the mouth constantly, and is a moron, but I digress. “Lester, it means, Stick It Up Your Ass.”

Lester got all fired up. F-you this, F-you that. You’re a F-er. I mean it was real poetry. Then all of a sudden he was crying, I mean bawlin. “King Nick, I’ve been winning with your players, and the fans want to beat ‘Bama more than anything this year, and Pete Carrol is getting all this attention at USC, and you’re back in the conference, and ..” I will spare you the mellow-drama. It was sad and pathetic. And sad.

This year we will not be “trading playbooks” with any other staffs in the conference. Given the way my boys were man-handled last year, it’s the only explanation I have for that record. Ok, that and shitty coaching. My boys are not losers.

Lester. Jester. Pumpkin Boy. Siuya. Roll Bama.

Welcome me to the Net

My life is simply fantastic. It's not like I'm braggin or anything, but come on. I just got handed $32m over eight years to coach football. Is this a great country or what? Aside from getting out of that stupid pro game, I was even able to get under the skin of NCAA Prez Miles Brand who thought I might be getting paid a little too much dinero. Apparently ol' Miles doesn't look at the income statement of participating universities when it comes to Bowls and March Madness. I'm a bargain.

Speaking of Miles, does anybody know why Les Miles is so ticked off at LSU? Damn, I left him a cupboard full of talent and no NCAA snoopers in the house. No need to drop the F-bomb on me Les. Perhaps you're feeling a bit insecure?

Attention media outlets: I really am a nice guy. Stop going through my trash for clues. I'm not leaving here ever, or at least not for 18 months or so.

Anyway, I digress. It's hotter than hell out here on the practice field. My guys are on the edge of puking. But this will all pay off down the road. Like I said at my press conference when I was hired, I want every team to simply hate lining up against the University of Alabama.