Dear Abby Tuesday

The weekend was extremely busy. Did you see that ass-kicking in Nashville? I told you it wouldn't be close. This team will really be on the move the next month. JPW is having trouble finding receivers, but Terry Grant is the real deal. So anyway, I get in this morning, and have three urgent emails:

To: Sabanator@gmail.com
From: Tommy Tuberville
Date: 9/9/2007 12:45 am

Dear Nick-

My team is pathetic. We somehow managed to get into overtime with South Florida, only to blow it. Of course I know that the game should have never gotten to overtime, that South Florida coach needs a kicker. I think I'm screwed. What do I do?

Yours,
Tommy T.

Jester, you are totally screwed. I'm signing all the top players in the state, and my team actually looks like it knows what it's doing. South Florida may need a kicker, but you need a QB. And an offensive line. And some defense. Dude, you should probably put some feelers out for that Arkansas job, as old Houston is gonna be singing your sad tune this time next week. I'm happy to help you network, or you can just send Houston a text message if you want.

Out. King Nick.

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To: Sabanator@gmail.com
From: Les Miles
Date: 9/8/2007 11:00 pm

Dear Nick-

I can't stand myself right now. My team is pretty great, but all I can think about is the job in Ann Arbor. What next?

Yours,
Les Miles

Lester, you're in a no-win situation. The press hounds can sniff this a mile away. My advice is to bail on LSU mid-season and jump to the Michigan job. Otherwise, the press will think you're a liar.

Up yours. King Nick.

I love these emails and letters. I see one on my desk from the head Cockadoodle and Jail House Richt. I'll get to those later.

Roll Bama.