Ok folks, I know Bobby is a "saint," but give me a break. Things are beginning to get a little loose over in Tallahassee. Check out this quote from Florida State prez T.K. Wetherell:
"I'm pretty comfortable," Wetherell said about the investigation. "I'm more concerned at this point with what I don't know than with what I do know. Some of those 23 may come off the list. Whether somebody else goes on, that's the kind of stuff we're running down now. It may go up by a few or down by a few."
Dude, if that's not a definition for "lack of institutional control," I don't know what is. Sounds like the guy is covering his own ass right and left. It could be more, it could be less, I'm kinda worried, but not, blah blah blah.
Folks, let me translate this for you. He's scared out of his pants that about half the football team is gonna get busted for cheating before Bobby gets run out of.. I mean, retires.
Roll Bama.
King Nick.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Bowden as Moses
Much love and Crimson Carma to Cindy Sue from Jacksonville for this shot. Apparently, Bobby has been around for a while.
You know, you really have to like this guy. Bill Curry of all people got the 'Bama job instead of him, and yet he seems to harbor no ill feelings. I hope he still shakes my hand after we drum the 'Noles.
Roll Bama.
You know, you really have to like this guy. Bill Curry of all people got the 'Bama job instead of him, and yet he seems to harbor no ill feelings. I hope he still shakes my hand after we drum the 'Noles.Roll Bama.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
The Auburn Way?
Folks, I crap you not, this is an actual photograph. I can't look at this without hearing banjos and wondering who is about to "squeal like a pig."
Thanks to Jimmy from Opp for mailing this shot in. Is this an example of the Auburn strength and conditioning program? Or which one is Jester? No wonder they lost to Mississippi State. Discuss.
Roll Bama.
Thanks to Jimmy from Opp for mailing this shot in. Is this an example of the Auburn strength and conditioning program? Or which one is Jester? No wonder they lost to Mississippi State. Discuss.Roll Bama.
Attention Fans
Ok, I'm only gonna say this once. Cause Mal says I need to say something about class. Don't throw crap at the opponents - even if they act like they've won only one championship ever, and are acting like they are humping each other wildly in your direction. It's best just to let them finish. And to whoever threw the Jim Beam, at least finish the stuff before letting the bottle go.
For gosh sakes, we're not Auburn. Cause if we were, we would have pulled out the fire hoses.
And to Georgia fans chanting "we want Florida" after the game: really? Haven't you guys only beaten them twice in about 100 years? Folks, they have a linebacker playing QB.
Roll Bama.
For gosh sakes, we're not Auburn. Cause if we were, we would have pulled out the fire hoses.
And to Georgia fans chanting "we want Florida" after the game: really? Haven't you guys only beaten them twice in about 100 years? Folks, they have a linebacker playing QB.
Roll Bama.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Sunday Morning After: Spike the Sabamoca
Comrades, legions of fans, disreputable journalists: yes, I have to admit, the loss last night to Georgia was a tough one to swallow. But before we let the media tell us "we told you so," let's take a moment to reflect on where we are, and where we're going:
Then:
'Bama finished 6-7 last year, and had no comeback wins in six years
Talk of Championships had been replaced with talks of thumbs and strip clubs
Now:
We're 3-1, sit second in the SEC West, and still control our own destiny to an SEC title
Our expectations are focused on what we want from our team on the field
This is a building block to a championship
In a sense, I'm glad that 'Bama nation hurts so much this morning. It means that the football team matters, and that we now expect to win versus hoping to win.
Interesting read by Pat Forde this morning, the ESPN super genius. While I was reading his column this morning while firmly perched on the porcelain throne, I had to get a good chuckle out of his article. Last fall he got pissed because we didn't let him scoop that I was coming to 'Bama. He then called me a "Liar" in his January column after I took the job - apparently Forde tells ESPN every time he interviews with a competing news service. This morning he seems to take glee in his column that Sabanation and my coronation as King will have to wait. Even though it's clear I'm King already, and things at 'Bama are different now. Moron.
Attention Pat Forde and other journalists who seem to take some strange joy in the people of Alabama feeling a bit hurt after this loss: 'Bama is back. We're 3-1 with an OT loss to Georgia. Before the season most of you "pundits" thought we'd finish fourth in the division behind LSU, Arkansas, and Auburn. Have you even looked at the standings this morning? And by the way, have you sniffed your way around the Houston Nutt leaves Arkansas, Tommy Tuberville takes his place, and Les Miles goes to Michigan stories? Are they all liars too, or is this journalistic morals by convenience?
Pat Forde, get out of your hypocritical pulpit - either become a journalist, or stop insulting the rest of the profession by calling yourself one. Friends of Sabanator (FoS), you can reach Pat Forde at ESPN4D@aol.com. Tell him King Saban said to kiss his.... ok, Mal said to stop.
The Georgia game is now history. Let's get ready for Florida State. King out.
Roll Bama.
Then:
'Bama finished 6-7 last year, and had no comeback wins in six years
Talk of Championships had been replaced with talks of thumbs and strip clubs
Now:
We're 3-1, sit second in the SEC West, and still control our own destiny to an SEC title
Our expectations are focused on what we want from our team on the field
This is a building block to a championship
In a sense, I'm glad that 'Bama nation hurts so much this morning. It means that the football team matters, and that we now expect to win versus hoping to win.
Interesting read by Pat Forde this morning, the ESPN super genius. While I was reading his column this morning while firmly perched on the porcelain throne, I had to get a good chuckle out of his article. Last fall he got pissed because we didn't let him scoop that I was coming to 'Bama. He then called me a "Liar" in his January column after I took the job - apparently Forde tells ESPN every time he interviews with a competing news service. This morning he seems to take glee in his column that Sabanation and my coronation as King will have to wait. Even though it's clear I'm King already, and things at 'Bama are different now. Moron.
Attention Pat Forde and other journalists who seem to take some strange joy in the people of Alabama feeling a bit hurt after this loss: 'Bama is back. We're 3-1 with an OT loss to Georgia. Before the season most of you "pundits" thought we'd finish fourth in the division behind LSU, Arkansas, and Auburn. Have you even looked at the standings this morning? And by the way, have you sniffed your way around the Houston Nutt leaves Arkansas, Tommy Tuberville takes his place, and Les Miles goes to Michigan stories? Are they all liars too, or is this journalistic morals by convenience?
Pat Forde, get out of your hypocritical pulpit - either become a journalist, or stop insulting the rest of the profession by calling yourself one. Friends of Sabanator (FoS), you can reach Pat Forde at ESPN4D@aol.com. Tell him King Saban said to kiss his.... ok, Mal said to stop.
The Georgia game is now history. Let's get ready for Florida State. King out.
Roll Bama.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Game Day: Georgia
The mystery is solved. The Dawgs closed their practices this week because I worked for Belichick. Mark, you're so clever to have figured that out. It did make getting our cameras and 
microphones into their huddles a bit more challenging. But we finally just offered the waterboy $10 bucks and he snapped this shot.
All you can say is "wow." The Georgia team has decided that arranging little dudes on the electric football table is the way to go. Mark, you seem swuft, but I can tell you Gilberry is gonna get to Stafford a whole lot quicker than the electric end.
The other item of note is all the moaning by Georgia fans about the 6:45 pm start. Are you kidding me? Focusing on spyin and game times ain't gonna get it done for Georgia. What about some focus on the game itself?
Folks, it's electric here in Tuscaloosa. GameDay is set-up over near the stadium. You can hear the ESPN dudes doing their thing, and there is the distinct smell of bourbon in the air. It's not even noon. Reminds me of Baton Rouge, except we've won a bunch more titles here.
All I will say about last week is that it was last week. It's time to continue this march towards a championship. If you thought you saw wrinkles from us against Arkansas, you ain't seen nothing yet. I was so inspired by watching Jester's collapse last week against Mississippi State that I came up with some fun stuff for the Dawgs.
I'm expecting the crowd to be louder than it ever has. I don't think the Dawgs
will try to distract us with circus tricks as Mal said earlier this week, but check out this shot of Richy Richt. Clown-like? Expect us to get up on the Dawgs early, and deliver the knock-out punch. Looks like he had a V-8.
Ok, I'm finishing getting ready. Believe it or not, I've agreed to go get interviewed by Corso and Company over on ESPN GameDay. I've had my coffee, I'm dressed in the suit, and am ready to go continue this feel-good tour that started three weeks ago. Terry says this is not about football today. It's about Carma. Crimson Carma.
Roll Bama.
microphones into their huddles a bit more challenging. But we finally just offered the waterboy $10 bucks and he snapped this shot.All you can say is "wow." The Georgia team has decided that arranging little dudes on the electric football table is the way to go. Mark, you seem swuft, but I can tell you Gilberry is gonna get to Stafford a whole lot quicker than the electric end.
The other item of note is all the moaning by Georgia fans about the 6:45 pm start. Are you kidding me? Focusing on spyin and game times ain't gonna get it done for Georgia. What about some focus on the game itself?
Folks, it's electric here in Tuscaloosa. GameDay is set-up over near the stadium. You can hear the ESPN dudes doing their thing, and there is the distinct smell of bourbon in the air. It's not even noon. Reminds me of Baton Rouge, except we've won a bunch more titles here.
All I will say about last week is that it was last week. It's time to continue this march towards a championship. If you thought you saw wrinkles from us against Arkansas, you ain't seen nothing yet. I was so inspired by watching Jester's collapse last week against Mississippi State that I came up with some fun stuff for the Dawgs.
I'm expecting the crowd to be louder than it ever has. I don't think the Dawgs
will try to distract us with circus tricks as Mal said earlier this week, but check out this shot of Richy Richt. Clown-like? Expect us to get up on the Dawgs early, and deliver the knock-out punch. Looks like he had a V-8.Ok, I'm finishing getting ready. Believe it or not, I've agreed to go get interviewed by Corso and Company over on ESPN GameDay. I've had my coffee, I'm dressed in the suit, and am ready to go continue this feel-good tour that started three weeks ago. Terry says this is not about football today. It's about Carma. Crimson Carma.
Roll Bama.
Game preview coming; King Saban in AJC this morning
So I'm drinking my Sunday morning Sabamoca on Saturday morning. You know, I feel like a champion today. The press not only has stopped calling me a liar, they've gotten on the 'Bama bandwagon and see me as the next coming of the Bear. Did you see the article in the Atlanta-Journal Constitution this morning about the King Saban blog? Holy crap. My butt is getting smooched more than a monkey in heat.
So here's how it went down. Right after I made Corso do wind sprints to get an interview, the AJC wanted to send Barnhart into the interview room - again. I had already chatted this guy up, and frankly was a little over it. But the AJC insisted. They said, ok, what about Furman Bisher. Helllll no. Bisher is about 800 years old, but he wrote an article for the Saturday Evening Post in the 1960s accusing Paul Bryant and Wally Butts of rigging a game. Guess what? King Bear won $400,000 in damages. What a moron.
Running out of time, and annoyed, I looked over and saw this kid in the corner. "I want that guy," I said. Carter Strickland of the AJC? Yep, bring the young wingnut over here. The following is a transcript of that interview, pieces of which appeared in the morning paper.
Tell me about rebuilding the confidence in the Alabama program and what you have done that has allowed fans to believe in you and your style of coaching?
Basically I walked in and reminded folks about who they are. It's like Reagan did back in 1980 - he said, "Hey, we're America, and we don't suck." After reminding them that they are Alabama, and have won numerous championships, I made it clear that I was in charge and the buck ($4m of them) stops with me. It was interesting last Saturday night - when I chose to go for the field goal late in the game, there was some grumbling in the stands because the last few years have been so tough around here. You know what? I knew my boys could do it, told them they could do it, and they did. I'm guessing that's the end of grumbling for a bit.
Why is winning football so important to Alabama?
I think it really gets back to family and Southern roots. What people forget is that Alabama was a football power even before the Bear came along. It was a metaphor for the people of the state on a national level, which basically said, "hey, we're as good as you are, and we can compete on an even playing field." That still holds true today. We may be 49th in our test scores, but our QBs are as good as yours.
What are you going to do to Georgia?
I really wanted to tell him how we'd bend Georgia over and make girly dawgs out of them, and..... Mal nudged me when he saw the look in my eye and shook his head no. I usually don't do the game preview until the end of the week, but I will tell you this. Any thoughts from the press that my boys can't pull that emotional level again is just plain wrong. The energy level in this town this week is unbelievable. I'm not gonna pull any of that "Is Georgia Man Enough" crap, because they are a well-coached team. But I'd be surprised if we didn't jump on them early.
Are the expectations too much? And are the goals to unrealistic? I mean you already have people talking national title. And everybody expects Bama to be 8-0 when they pay LSU.
I've been asked this question by Corso and Barnhart already this week. You come to The University of Alabama precisely for these expectations. I think the enthusiasm the people of the state of Alabama are showing for this University, this team, and my family is unbelievable. Now there is a big difference between the fans, and our approach. This is about a process. You don't just become a champion, you have to establish building blocks to a championship. And this Saturday night will be another block to that end.
What took so long for Alabama to wise up and hire you?
That's a tough one to answer. Ok, I knew the answer was that the place was being run by a bunch of drunken sailors, but I had to be nice. To be honest, it's been a bit of a circus over here since Gene Stallings left. And when they married Shula, they really wanted that marriage to work out. It probably cost them a chance at Spurrier, but all the better for me. Have you noticed there's an extra place for the next coaching statue at Bryant Denny? Right next to Bear.
Who anointed you king?
Was Napoleon anointed King? Negative. No one really anoints you King. Good story, though. I did make it clear before we signed the contract that I was in charge, and folks would have to deal with it. Running a football program is not a democracy - and the real problem The University had over the last few years is that they tried to run it like one. Mal Moore said, "So this makes you King?" We both looked over at Paul Jr. and he nodded his head. So I looked back at Mal, told him yes, and to put that in my contract.
Do you prefer King Saban or St. Nick?
While St. Nick is nice at Christmas, I prefer King Saban.
Cartman Strickler, great butt-kissing material. You can have another interview.
Roll Bama.
So here's how it went down. Right after I made Corso do wind sprints to get an interview, the AJC wanted to send Barnhart into the interview room - again. I had already chatted this guy up, and frankly was a little over it. But the AJC insisted. They said, ok, what about Furman Bisher. Helllll no. Bisher is about 800 years old, but he wrote an article for the Saturday Evening Post in the 1960s accusing Paul Bryant and Wally Butts of rigging a game. Guess what? King Bear won $400,000 in damages. What a moron.
Running out of time, and annoyed, I looked over and saw this kid in the corner. "I want that guy," I said. Carter Strickland of the AJC? Yep, bring the young wingnut over here. The following is a transcript of that interview, pieces of which appeared in the morning paper.
Tell me about rebuilding the confidence in the Alabama program and what you have done that has allowed fans to believe in you and your style of coaching?
Basically I walked in and reminded folks about who they are. It's like Reagan did back in 1980 - he said, "Hey, we're America, and we don't suck." After reminding them that they are Alabama, and have won numerous championships, I made it clear that I was in charge and the buck ($4m of them) stops with me. It was interesting last Saturday night - when I chose to go for the field goal late in the game, there was some grumbling in the stands because the last few years have been so tough around here. You know what? I knew my boys could do it, told them they could do it, and they did. I'm guessing that's the end of grumbling for a bit.
Why is winning football so important to Alabama?
I think it really gets back to family and Southern roots. What people forget is that Alabama was a football power even before the Bear came along. It was a metaphor for the people of the state on a national level, which basically said, "hey, we're as good as you are, and we can compete on an even playing field." That still holds true today. We may be 49th in our test scores, but our QBs are as good as yours.
What are you going to do to Georgia?
I really wanted to tell him how we'd bend Georgia over and make girly dawgs out of them, and..... Mal nudged me when he saw the look in my eye and shook his head no. I usually don't do the game preview until the end of the week, but I will tell you this. Any thoughts from the press that my boys can't pull that emotional level again is just plain wrong. The energy level in this town this week is unbelievable. I'm not gonna pull any of that "Is Georgia Man Enough" crap, because they are a well-coached team. But I'd be surprised if we didn't jump on them early.
Are the expectations too much? And are the goals to unrealistic? I mean you already have people talking national title. And everybody expects Bama to be 8-0 when they pay LSU.
I've been asked this question by Corso and Barnhart already this week. You come to The University of Alabama precisely for these expectations. I think the enthusiasm the people of the state of Alabama are showing for this University, this team, and my family is unbelievable. Now there is a big difference between the fans, and our approach. This is about a process. You don't just become a champion, you have to establish building blocks to a championship. And this Saturday night will be another block to that end.
What took so long for Alabama to wise up and hire you?
That's a tough one to answer. Ok, I knew the answer was that the place was being run by a bunch of drunken sailors, but I had to be nice. To be honest, it's been a bit of a circus over here since Gene Stallings left. And when they married Shula, they really wanted that marriage to work out. It probably cost them a chance at Spurrier, but all the better for me. Have you noticed there's an extra place for the next coaching statue at Bryant Denny? Right next to Bear.
Who anointed you king?
Was Napoleon anointed King? Negative. No one really anoints you King. Good story, though. I did make it clear before we signed the contract that I was in charge, and folks would have to deal with it. Running a football program is not a democracy - and the real problem The University had over the last few years is that they tried to run it like one. Mal Moore said, "So this makes you King?" We both looked over at Paul Jr. and he nodded his head. So I looked back at Mal, told him yes, and to put that in my contract.
Do you prefer King Saban or St. Nick?
While St. Nick is nice at Christmas, I prefer King Saban.
Cartman Strickler, great butt-kissing material. You can have another interview.
Roll Bama.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
The Unemployment Line
Much Crimson Carma to Keith H. from somewhere in Alabama for this shot. I wonder where these two wonderlichs will end up next year? Feel free to captionate on this one. Discuss.
Roll Bama.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Auburn People Follwing the Tide
I have to take a little timeout from all the Sabanoia talk to share a public service announcement. Apparently, Auburn fans are so distraught with the start of the season that they've decided there is only one game left: the one in November against the 'Bama and the King.
Unfortunately, they are now travelling in their homes from town to town watching 'Bama games to help Jester spy on us. I'm not so worried about a lesser team getting an advantage by seeing my boys up close during practice. But I am concerned with what the local health department calls "unsanitary conditions." My advice is to avoid the area behind Shoney's Big Boy on McFarland Boulevard, and you're probably fine.
Roll Bama.
Unfortunately, they are now travelling in their homes from town to town watching 'Bama games to help Jester spy on us. I'm not so worried about a lesser team getting an advantage by seeing my boys up close during practice. But I am concerned with what the local health department calls "unsanitary conditions." My advice is to avoid the area behind Shoney's Big Boy on McFarland Boulevard, and you're probably fine.Roll Bama.
Georgia Peek-a-boo
I'm not gonna lie, I'm as curious as anyone as to what Richt is doing behind the big green fences over in Athens. Sabanoia. One of our undercover agents just emailed me this shot:
Now, this brings a couple of questions to mind. Is the plan to distract my team with circus tricks from the Georgia mascot? Or, is this an example of what the Georgia offensive line will do when my big defensive ends come running through the line to eat the quarterback?
Mal says this is all playing right into my hands. Georgia is so distracted by the King's mere presence that their focus is not even on the game. Mal thinks they are gonna try the circus trick thing.
The University PR people said the servers nearly collapsed yesterday with all the traffic to my blog. With the ESPN blow hards in town and the Sabanoia in Athens, Sabamania is skyrocketing. Speaking of which, excuse me, I gotta go sit down with Corso and Herby. Mal reminds me to be nice top Corso. We'll see. I'd love to see that dude do some wind sprints.
Roll Bama.
Now, this brings a couple of questions to mind. Is the plan to distract my team with circus tricks from the Georgia mascot? Or, is this an example of what the Georgia offensive line will do when my big defensive ends come running through the line to eat the quarterback?Mal says this is all playing right into my hands. Georgia is so distracted by the King's mere presence that their focus is not even on the game. Mal thinks they are gonna try the circus trick thing.
The University PR people said the servers nearly collapsed yesterday with all the traffic to my blog. With the ESPN blow hards in town and the Sabanoia in Athens, Sabamania is skyrocketing. Speaking of which, excuse me, I gotta go sit down with Corso and Herby. Mal reminds me to be nice top Corso. We'll see. I'd love to see that dude do some wind sprints.
Roll Bama.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Word for the day: Sabanoia
Ok boys and girls, I'm not Gumby, but I do have a new word for the day: Sabanoia
Sabanoia: (s
b
-noi
) noun. 1. A psychotic disorder characterized by delusions of persecution that might or might not strike your football team if you are not on King Saban's side, often strenuously defended with apparent logic and reason.
Let's use this in a sentence. Maybe two sentences. Auburn people, this is still on one hand, so you should be able to count that high.
With Mark Richt suffering from Sabanoia, he closed football practice cause he doesn't know what else to do. He thinks his team could get beat, and has no idea how to stop it.
It can also impact other coaches in your league who are not playing you that week.
Sabanoia is flowing like water in Auburn. As a result, Jester is trying to figure out how to blame Nick Saban's arrival for his team's complete collapse.
Folks, camera's are not necessary when you are the best coach in all the land. King out.
Roll Bama.
Sabanoia: (s
b-noi) noun. 1. A psychotic disorder characterized by delusions of persecution that might or might not strike your football team if you are not on King Saban's side, often strenuously defended with apparent logic and reason.Let's use this in a sentence. Maybe two sentences. Auburn people, this is still on one hand, so you should be able to count that high.
With Mark Richt suffering from Sabanoia, he closed football practice cause he doesn't know what else to do. He thinks his team could get beat, and has no idea how to stop it.
It can also impact other coaches in your league who are not playing you that week.
Sabanoia is flowing like water in Auburn. As a result, Jester is trying to figure out how to blame Nick Saban's arrival for his team's complete collapse.
Folks, camera's are not necessary when you are the best coach in all the land. King out.
Roll Bama.
I think Richt has lost it
Wow, sounds like somebody is a bit paranoid. Mark Richt closed practices to the public for the first time in seven years at Georgia. Seems he was afraid we might be stealing their signs or something. Mark, you seem like a nice guy. You're not exactly King material, but a nice member of the court nonetheless. But here are my thoughts:
Has Florida been stealing signs from Georgia for the last 20 years?
Is your team "man enough" to just line up and run the football this weekend? I seem to remember some former Auburn coach saying something about that. Moron.
We don't need your signs. I'm the King, and now we win. Besides, "if i did it," we stole 'em back in late summer when your fall camp was open to the public and anybody with a camera. By the way, thanks for sending lunch over to all the "reporters."
Luckily for Mark, Athens-Clark County Jail only allows limited visitation, so we couldn't steal the signs from most of their kids at this point anyway. We can't get in.
Oh my, can you folks imagine the electricity at Saban Field at Bryant Denny this Saturday night? Gives me chills just thinking about getting up 21-0 on the Dawgs. And Finishing this time. Sabamania is in full force. Roll Bama.
Has Florida been stealing signs from Georgia for the last 20 years?
Is your team "man enough" to just line up and run the football this weekend? I seem to remember some former Auburn coach saying something about that. Moron.
We don't need your signs. I'm the King, and now we win. Besides, "if i did it," we stole 'em back in late summer when your fall camp was open to the public and anybody with a camera. By the way, thanks for sending lunch over to all the "reporters."Luckily for Mark, Athens-Clark County Jail only allows limited visitation, so we couldn't steal the signs from most of their kids at this point anyway. We can't get in.
Oh my, can you folks imagine the electricity at Saban Field at Bryant Denny this Saturday night? Gives me chills just thinking about getting up 21-0 on the Dawgs. And Finishing this time. Sabamania is in full force. Roll Bama.
ESPN Coming to T-Town
Much love and Crimson Carma to Bobbie-Ray of Huntsville for this one. Shhh, don't tell anyone. Mal says I need to be nice all week cause there will be more press here this week than at a Pope speech. Of course, the Pope has some issues right now - like how to fix Notre Dame's football program. Yikes. Wonder how Irish fans feel about that "lifetime" contract now.
Auburn Joke
Oh, I know, I have not written in a few days. I've been so damn busy since the big, emotional, win over Arkansas. Not only that, but my publicist (Mal) is working double-time to keep up with all the feel-good media requests.
Much love to Joe-Bob from Tuscaloosa for this joke. You know, I tried to warn Jester this would be a touch season. All he could do was complain that Brandon Cox wasn't getting any pub in the pre-season. Yikes, no kidding. That kid couldn't hit a swinging tire in the backyard if he were standing right next to it. Oh, the joke here:
"Tuscaloosa AP - A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Tuscaloosa County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Auburn Tigers, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone."
Auburn. Siouya.
Roll Bama.
Much love to Joe-Bob from Tuscaloosa for this joke. You know, I tried to warn Jester this would be a touch season. All he could do was complain that Brandon Cox wasn't getting any pub in the pre-season. Yikes, no kidding. That kid couldn't hit a swinging tire in the backyard if he were standing right next to it. Oh, the joke here:
"Tuscaloosa AP - A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Tuscaloosa County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Auburn Tigers, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone."
Auburn. Siouya.
Roll Bama.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Game Day: Arkansas
Folks, I'd be lying if I didn't tell you I'm more relaxed than a dude who just knocked down a fifth. I mean, I'm the King, and check out all this:
Notre Dame is 0-2
Michigan is 0-2
Auburn is 1-1, and lucky for that
Tennessee is 1-1, soon to be 1-2
And we're 2-0!
All the stars are lining up. My running game is tremendous, and we have Mt. Text Message coming to town today. Ok, I know you've been waiting for this. Here's the day's breakdown:
'Bama fans started arriving by all kinds of vehicles on Thursday. By kickoff on Saturday night, there will be 92,000 drunk rednecks in the stands. Saban Field at Bryant Denny Stadium will be electric. Even more electric than opening night. This is SEC football.
I'm guessing this will be a tough tilt. We'll be up something like 12-7 at half time. Good ole Leigh Tiffin will belt some field goals. I'll get interviewed by one of those stupid sideline reporters on the way to the locker room where I will moan about our lack of touchdown production.
In the second half, the stadium will just become bedlam. ESPN2 will show me on TV a bazillion times pacing the sidelines. The Nutt will get his team the lead, but then we'll swing back and pull away. Check this out: we score a couple of TDs late, and win 26-14. Mr. Nutt, have a safe drive back to Kansas or Arkansas or wherever.
Roll Bama.
Notre Dame is 0-2
Michigan is 0-2
Auburn is 1-1, and lucky for that
Tennessee is 1-1, soon to be 1-2
And we're 2-0!
All the stars are lining up. My running game is tremendous, and we have Mt. Text Message coming to town today. Ok, I know you've been waiting for this. Here's the day's breakdown:
'Bama fans started arriving by all kinds of vehicles on Thursday. By kickoff on Saturday night, there will be 92,000 drunk rednecks in the stands. Saban Field at Bryant Denny Stadium will be electric. Even more electric than opening night. This is SEC football.
I'm guessing this will be a tough tilt. We'll be up something like 12-7 at half time. Good ole Leigh Tiffin will belt some field goals. I'll get interviewed by one of those stupid sideline reporters on the way to the locker room where I will moan about our lack of touchdown production.
In the second half, the stadium will just become bedlam. ESPN2 will show me on TV a bazillion times pacing the sidelines. The Nutt will get his team the lead, but then we'll swing back and pull away. Check this out: we score a couple of TDs late, and win 26-14. Mr. Nutt, have a safe drive back to Kansas or Arkansas or wherever.
Roll Bama.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Jester supports Croom? Really? So Surprising.
Oh my goodness, did you hear the scuttle-butt coming out of Auburn this morning? Apparently Jester is giving his full support to Sly Croom. Seems like I remember him voicing similar support for Steak Boy. It's truly shocking that Jester would support a coach at a division rival who is 10-26 over the past four years. Guess what? I'm pulling for Croom to stay on a few more years too. I might even be willing to contribute part of the King's ransom to make this happen.
I've got a feeling I will voicing my support for Jester to stay on too when his team limps to November just over .500. Maybe Sly's team will contribute to the cause this Saturday. He's already my beaatch on the recruiting trail around this state. Just wait till we hit the field.
Roll Bama.
I've got a feeling I will voicing my support for Jester to stay on too when his team limps to November just over .500. Maybe Sly's team will contribute to the cause this Saturday. He's already my beaatch on the recruiting trail around this state. Just wait till we hit the field.
Roll Bama.
My Staff makes some cash - just like the King
So I'm sitting on the "throne" this morning doing a little light reading. I get a few of the sports pages from newspapers around the state. It seems everybody's a bit excited about my staff being the highest paid in the league. They all found out "through an open records request." It sounds official when newspapers say that. What it means is they sent some poor kid making $5.25 an hour over to the courthouse to spend some time diggin through papers. Poor schlep.
Ok, Dick Tracy's of the Alabama Press Corp., yes, my staff is the highest paid. Why did this take an open records request? I'm the King, and make more dinero than any coach in college football. So, my staff is also the highest paid in the SEC. I told ya'll I was intent on hiring the best staff possible. Mal didn't just give me keys to the kingdom, he game me a blank check. Actually, he gave me a lot of blank checks. We want to win today, not five years from now. And yes, young Applewood makes more than the offensive coordinator under Steak Boy. They scored, like, never in the red zone. Did you see the holes open up for Grant last Saturday? Exactly.
Roll Bama.
Ok, Dick Tracy's of the Alabama Press Corp., yes, my staff is the highest paid. Why did this take an open records request? I'm the King, and make more dinero than any coach in college football. So, my staff is also the highest paid in the SEC. I told ya'll I was intent on hiring the best staff possible. Mal didn't just give me keys to the kingdom, he game me a blank check. Actually, he gave me a lot of blank checks. We want to win today, not five years from now. And yes, young Applewood makes more than the offensive coordinator under Steak Boy. They scored, like, never in the red zone. Did you see the holes open up for Grant last Saturday? Exactly.
Roll Bama.
Oh My, it's Steak Boy
So Terry decided we needed some 'Bama stuff for the house. It's all about this Crimson Karma she's been talking about. And you know, she's right. As King, you need items that point to your greatness everywhere from the Stadium to the wall just above your toilet. So I go into my office this morning, and I nearly quaffed the Sabamoca out my nose. Check out this print:
What the holy hell is this? Did 'Bama fans actually buy this print?I know things have been desperate here for years, but I didn't know even the artists were drinking to get through the pain. I explained to Terry that not all 'Bama history is worth hanging on the wall. Steak Boy next to the Bear. It's like Jester next to , well, ok, nothing from Auburn to compare. But it's ridonculous. I think Heinz-57 here lost more games in four years at Saban Field at Bryant Denny Stadium than Bear did in his whole career.
On another note, we have started casting for my statue. Did ya'll notice there is an extra space next to Bear over at the stadium? Roll Bama.
What the holy hell is this? Did 'Bama fans actually buy this print?I know things have been desperate here for years, but I didn't know even the artists were drinking to get through the pain. I explained to Terry that not all 'Bama history is worth hanging on the wall. Steak Boy next to the Bear. It's like Jester next to , well, ok, nothing from Auburn to compare. But it's ridonculous. I think Heinz-57 here lost more games in four years at Saban Field at Bryant Denny Stadium than Bear did in his whole career.On another note, we have started casting for my statue. Did ya'll notice there is an extra space next to Bear over at the stadium? Roll Bama.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
What a Nutt job
Much love to Cindy-Ray from Elba for this shot. My only question is where does he keep the cell phone for all the text messaging? Ok, so that wasn't my only question. Just look at this picture. This is the dude I'm coaching against this week? Looks like Gaylord Focker's daddy. And probably coaches like him too. I hear rumors that Tuberville will be a Razorback next year. I think I can help them both in their job changes. The second home game of the season should be fun.
Roll Bama.
Oh, Stop it Tom
Did you see this article from Tom Dienhart over at Sporting News? Holy crap, this dude is so far up my ass his pencil is coming out my nose.
As part of the good-will press tour this past summer, I did have a chat with Tom to let him know I would be King, and he better stop the mean talking and start kissing my butt. Check out this quote:
"But, hey, it's really not fair being Nick Saban right now. The guy has the world by the tail and legendary status at his feet."
It's true, I do have legendary status at my feet. Tom, great butt-kissing material. You get the first interview after we manhandle the old fart at Florida State.
Roll Bama.
As part of the good-will press tour this past summer, I did have a chat with Tom to let him know I would be King, and he better stop the mean talking and start kissing my butt. Check out this quote:
"But, hey, it's really not fair being Nick Saban right now. The guy has the world by the tail and legendary status at his feet."
It's true, I do have legendary status at my feet. Tom, great butt-kissing material. You get the first interview after we manhandle the old fart at Florida State.
Roll Bama.
Dear Abby Tuesday
The weekend was extremely busy. Did you see that ass-kicking in Nashville? I told you it wouldn't be close. This team will really be on the move the next month. JPW is having trouble finding receivers, but Terry Grant is the real deal. So anyway, I get in this morning, and have three urgent emails:
To: Sabanator@gmail.com
From: Tommy Tuberville
Date: 9/9/2007 12:45 am
Dear Nick-
My team is pathetic. We somehow managed to get into overtime with South Florida, only to blow it. Of course I know that the game should have never gotten to overtime, that South Florida coach needs a kicker. I think I'm screwed. What do I do?
Yours,
Tommy T.
Jester, you are totally screwed. I'm signing all the top players in the state, and my team actually looks like it knows what it's doing. South Florida may need a kicker, but you need a QB. And an offensive line. And some defense. Dude, you should probably put some feelers out for that Arkansas job, as old Houston is gonna be singing your sad tune this time next week. I'm happy to help you network, or you can just send Houston a text message if you want.
Out. King Nick.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
To: Sabanator@gmail.com
From: Les Miles
Date: 9/8/2007 11:00 pm
Dear Nick-
I can't stand myself right now. My team is pretty great, but all I can think about is the job in Ann Arbor. What next?
Yours,
Les Miles
Lester, you're in a no-win situation. The press hounds can sniff this a mile away. My advice is to bail on LSU mid-season and jump to the Michigan job. Otherwise, the press will think you're a liar.
Up yours. King Nick.
I love these emails and letters. I see one on my desk from the head Cockadoodle and Jail House Richt. I'll get to those later.
Roll Bama.
To: Sabanator@gmail.com
From: Tommy Tuberville
Date: 9/9/2007 12:45 am
Dear Nick-
My team is pathetic. We somehow managed to get into overtime with South Florida, only to blow it. Of course I know that the game should have never gotten to overtime, that South Florida coach needs a kicker. I think I'm screwed. What do I do?
Yours,
Tommy T.
Jester, you are totally screwed. I'm signing all the top players in the state, and my team actually looks like it knows what it's doing. South Florida may need a kicker, but you need a QB. And an offensive line. And some defense. Dude, you should probably put some feelers out for that Arkansas job, as old Houston is gonna be singing your sad tune this time next week. I'm happy to help you network, or you can just send Houston a text message if you want.
Out. King Nick.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
To: Sabanator@gmail.com
From: Les Miles
Date: 9/8/2007 11:00 pm
Dear Nick-
I can't stand myself right now. My team is pretty great, but all I can think about is the job in Ann Arbor. What next?
Yours,
Les Miles
Lester, you're in a no-win situation. The press hounds can sniff this a mile away. My advice is to bail on LSU mid-season and jump to the Michigan job. Otherwise, the press will think you're a liar.
Up yours. King Nick.
I love these emails and letters. I see one on my desk from the head Cockadoodle and Jail House Richt. I'll get to those later.
Roll Bama.
Friday, September 7, 2007
Game Day: Vanderbilt
Well, it's Friday afternoon. I hope you're getting ready to clock out for the day and enjoy a cold one. I know I am. Just as soon as Paul Jr. gets it. Mal says I really should cool my jets over being in charge, but I just can't help it.
Ahh, Vanderbilt. It's alway fun to go to the Music City USA. Former home of Opryland and the like. So let me break down how the day will go.
The game is getting broadcast by Abe Financial, so we have a blasted 11:30 am kick-off. They don't have an AD at Vandy, so the school just does what it's told by the league office. Anyway, 11:30 am is damn early for a football game. I will make my troops get up at 5:30 am for a jog through downtown Nashville. We'll run to the outskirt of town where all the 'Bama RVs are and back.
At 8:00 am, we'll have breakfast. I'm not talking about the stupid "continental" breakfast of a banana and juice either. I'm talking all the fixuns. Pancakes cooked by yours truly, eggs, bacon, sausage, and maybe some fried chicken. Johns gets two of everything since he's the fullback. Grant gets a muffin.
At 9:30 am, we enter the stadium dressed in our suits. The ovation will be unbelievable. There will even be cheers for some of my troops.
At 11:30 am, we burst on the TV seen in front of the "partisan" crowd. That's what the TV dudes will say .Yeah, whatever. Partisan would mean there are some Vandy fans even there. I'm expecting 45,000 Bama fans.
"Vandy always plays 'Bama tough" is all I've heard this week. Bullcrap. This ain't the Steak Boy regime. By halftime we'll be up 17 - 0. I tell JPW that on the next TD, he gets a break. Sure enough, we'll be up 24-0 seven minutes into the third quarter. Reserves come in, mop up, and we glide to a 31-10 victory. My first SEC victory as King of the Crimson Tide. It's very very good times.
I'll then go catch some games on the tube. Lester and Jester have tough ones this week. I wonder if either will be coaching in the SEC next year since I'm the King. Roll Bama.
Ahh, Vanderbilt. It's alway fun to go to the Music City USA. Former home of Opryland and the like. So let me break down how the day will go.
The game is getting broadcast by Abe Financial, so we have a blasted 11:30 am kick-off. They don't have an AD at Vandy, so the school just does what it's told by the league office. Anyway, 11:30 am is damn early for a football game. I will make my troops get up at 5:30 am for a jog through downtown Nashville. We'll run to the outskirt of town where all the 'Bama RVs are and back.
At 8:00 am, we'll have breakfast. I'm not talking about the stupid "continental" breakfast of a banana and juice either. I'm talking all the fixuns. Pancakes cooked by yours truly, eggs, bacon, sausage, and maybe some fried chicken. Johns gets two of everything since he's the fullback. Grant gets a muffin.
At 9:30 am, we enter the stadium dressed in our suits. The ovation will be unbelievable. There will even be cheers for some of my troops.
At 11:30 am, we burst on the TV seen in front of the "partisan" crowd. That's what the TV dudes will say .Yeah, whatever. Partisan would mean there are some Vandy fans even there. I'm expecting 45,000 Bama fans.
"Vandy always plays 'Bama tough" is all I've heard this week. Bullcrap. This ain't the Steak Boy regime. By halftime we'll be up 17 - 0. I tell JPW that on the next TD, he gets a break. Sure enough, we'll be up 24-0 seven minutes into the third quarter. Reserves come in, mop up, and we glide to a 31-10 victory. My first SEC victory as King of the Crimson Tide. It's very very good times.
I'll then go catch some games on the tube. Lester and Jester have tough ones this week. I wonder if either will be coaching in the SEC next year since I'm the King. Roll Bama.
Nice Article in Selma Times Journal
It's true that I'm in charge, and the King, but it's almost like I'm writing these articles myself. Check this one out from George Jones of the Selma Times Journal . No shit, his name is George Jones. Wonder if he is related to the singer. Anyway, a clip from his article:
"A big win, a rendition of "Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer" that wasn't the best I've seen but still very good and the ongoing love fest for the new Crimson Tide coach made for heckuva way to start the college football season. One game down, 11 (or is it 12 or 13) to go?"
Exactly, George, it was a heckuva way to start the season. Great butt-kissing material. You could get an interview. And yes, we assume that the season extends far beyond the Auburn game. It's the process that makes us champions.
Roll Bama.
"A big win, a rendition of "Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer" that wasn't the best I've seen but still very good and the ongoing love fest for the new Crimson Tide coach made for heckuva way to start the college football season. One game down, 11 (or is it 12 or 13) to go?"
Exactly, George, it was a heckuva way to start the season. Great butt-kissing material. You could get an interview. And yes, we assume that the season extends far beyond the Auburn game. It's the process that makes us champions.
Roll Bama.
Letter to my former Fish Players
As you know, I've been on the feel-good tour since early July, and it;s paid off with some excellent television and newspaper coverage. Contract Boy and Mal both say I did good, but they are looking for more. They want more? Bingo, I'll write a letter to my former Fishes. But only those that played for me, screw the rest of 'em. I thought my loyal fans should read this to. It doubles the impact of goodwill.
Dear Fishes-
As you know, I had to get out of town rather abruptly last January - there were thousands of people waiting at the T-Town airport for me, and if I had waited another day many of them might have passed out from the beverages they were consuming. It wasn't about me, it was about them.
I want to almost apologize for getting the hell out of Miami. I mean, we were really on a roll, and we might have gone 8-8 this year with all the talent we had coming back. But I must be honest. You guys actually kinda suck. And so does the NFL. I'm the coach, but you guys make so much money that you truly don't give a crap what I tell you. "We're all adults," you tell me. But then I have to chase running backs to other continents only to find out that they are pulling a Beatles on me and just getting higher than a kite. Not so grown up.
So you have that new coach. You'll have a new system. It'll be great. While you're trying to get to 6-10 and blaming me for your sorry ass season, the King will be running the Crimson Ship towards greatness. We're gonna play in some kind of cool bowl better than Shreveport or Memphis.
Peace out. And any Auburn players on the Fish team, Siuya.
Roll Bama.
Dear Fishes-
As you know, I had to get out of town rather abruptly last January - there were thousands of people waiting at the T-Town airport for me, and if I had waited another day many of them might have passed out from the beverages they were consuming. It wasn't about me, it was about them.
I want to almost apologize for getting the hell out of Miami. I mean, we were really on a roll, and we might have gone 8-8 this year with all the talent we had coming back. But I must be honest. You guys actually kinda suck. And so does the NFL. I'm the coach, but you guys make so much money that you truly don't give a crap what I tell you. "We're all adults," you tell me. But then I have to chase running backs to other continents only to find out that they are pulling a Beatles on me and just getting higher than a kite. Not so grown up.
So you have that new coach. You'll have a new system. It'll be great. While you're trying to get to 6-10 and blaming me for your sorry ass season, the King will be running the Crimson Ship towards greatness. We're gonna play in some kind of cool bowl better than Shreveport or Memphis.
Peace out. And any Auburn players on the Fish team, Siuya.
Roll Bama.
Some Tatoo Love
Much love to Phil from Eastaboga for this shot. I know I'm the King, but even I'm speechless. Mal says I get everything that Bear got plus a few million bucks, but I may have to draw the line here.
Roll Bama.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Coaches Corner: Letter from Lester
I cannot get enough of being King of Tuscaloosa. After Saturday night, you would think we had won the national championship. Folks, it's all about process. And looking sharp doing it. Anywho, I found this letter in my in-box this morning. I think we'll start a new feature called "Coaches Corner" cause I get email from coaches every week looking to be as Kingly as myself. On to this week's segment:
Dear King Nicholas-
First, congrats on the big win. It looked more like a coronation than a football game.
As you know, I've been under a lot of pressure coaching your players after you won a national title and left town. I know, I could have had the 'Bama job before you, but that place was a mess back then. I've been popping Rolaids like candy just trying to get through this year - first, I took a swipe at Pete Carroll for the Pathetic -10 schedule, then Cal whips Tennessee. Next I told a bunch of people to F--- Bama cause you coach there now and I feel the heat. This week we have Virginia Tech - but what's really on my mind is that Michigan job. Lloyd Carr is toast after letting App State shock the world. I played at Michigan, and met my wife there, and want to get the hell out of your neck of the woods (at least until you take the Notre Dame job). How do I act like I'm not thinking about that job, yet secure a long term deal for $33 million?
Sincerely,
Your Friend in Coaching,
Les Miles
So this is like Dear Abby, only with people who aren't losers. Ok, that's not true entirely, I just got this note from Lester. So, here's my reply.
To: Les Miles
Bcc: LSU Alumni Groups, LSU President, LSU AD
Dear Lester,
First, thanks for at least recognizing I'm in control. Yes, it was a coronation fit for a King Saban. And F-You too. I'm not your damn friend in coaching, but I think I can help you here. Been there, done that.
Lester, you should start telling people you plain want the Michigan job. Now. Why wait? I mean, tell everybody. The press, your boss, the recruits, your wife, your dog. I know you have a big game this weekend, but the press already thinks you're negotiating anyway. Bastards. So tell them all you want the Michigan job more than anything, cause you "want to go home." The press will eat that alumni-I love Michigan-crap right up. Just make sure Michigan wants you, or the LSU folks will run you out of Baton Rouge before Halloween. Come to think of it, they may do that anyway. It will be like I told them of this letter, but didn't. Go get a U-Haul. Now.
Kingly Yours,
Nick Saban
Roll Bama.
Dear King Nicholas-
First, congrats on the big win. It looked more like a coronation than a football game.
As you know, I've been under a lot of pressure coaching your players after you won a national title and left town. I know, I could have had the 'Bama job before you, but that place was a mess back then. I've been popping Rolaids like candy just trying to get through this year - first, I took a swipe at Pete Carroll for the Pathetic -10 schedule, then Cal whips Tennessee. Next I told a bunch of people to F--- Bama cause you coach there now and I feel the heat. This week we have Virginia Tech - but what's really on my mind is that Michigan job. Lloyd Carr is toast after letting App State shock the world. I played at Michigan, and met my wife there, and want to get the hell out of your neck of the woods (at least until you take the Notre Dame job). How do I act like I'm not thinking about that job, yet secure a long term deal for $33 million?
Sincerely,
Your Friend in Coaching,
Les Miles
So this is like Dear Abby, only with people who aren't losers. Ok, that's not true entirely, I just got this note from Lester. So, here's my reply.
To: Les Miles
Bcc: LSU Alumni Groups, LSU President, LSU AD
Dear Lester,
First, thanks for at least recognizing I'm in control. Yes, it was a coronation fit for a King Saban. And F-You too. I'm not your damn friend in coaching, but I think I can help you here. Been there, done that.
Lester, you should start telling people you plain want the Michigan job. Now. Why wait? I mean, tell everybody. The press, your boss, the recruits, your wife, your dog. I know you have a big game this weekend, but the press already thinks you're negotiating anyway. Bastards. So tell them all you want the Michigan job more than anything, cause you "want to go home." The press will eat that alumni-I love Michigan-crap right up. Just make sure Michigan wants you, or the LSU folks will run you out of Baton Rouge before Halloween. Come to think of it, they may do that anyway. It will be like I told them of this letter, but didn't. Go get a U-Haul. Now.
Kingly Yours,
Nick Saban
Roll Bama.
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Sunday morning Sabamoca
Well, well, well. It was quite a Saturday on the gridiron. The King had a huge day, and the Jester nearly wet himself. I think there were nearly as many fans outside the stadium hoping for a glimpse of me as there were fans in it. Let's review the day's activities.
First, the important stuff. Did ya'll notice those cool 'Bama shirts we were all wearing on the sidelines? Yeah, you guessed it, the King picked that out himself. I wanted to wear Birks with the pants, but nobody - including Terry - thought this was a good idea.
Appalachian State? Are you kidding me? The ESPN blowhards kept saying how they really were a championship team, even though they came from a lower level. But are you serious? Did any of this press dudes pick Appy State before kickoff? Hell no. The press are sheep. Again.
Pumpkin Boy got his ass kicked out in Berkeley. You know, on the one hand I wanted them to beat Cal for SEC supremacy, but on the other, it was pretty nice to see the Big Orange do the Big Flop. Somebody just turned up the heat in Knoxville.
Notre Dame sucks. Somebody schedule them for us immediately.
Auburn. Jester looked like he was about to wet his pants late in the fourth quarter. Can you imagine if they had actually lost? I heard the Auburn Board of Trustees was already warming the plane for a coaching search. If Kansas State can nearly pull the upset, I'm looking forward to our little visit over there already.
The Western Carolina Catamawhos did a great job .... playing road kill. I told ya, there would be all kinds of ceremonies, and one major butt-kicking. I wasn't even far off on the score prediction. #29, whatever his name is, did a great job. That first touchdown was pretty electrifying. Sabamania was, well, Sabamania. Get out the straw hats baby.
Mal said I should do something nice for their coach. So I signed a football with the score on it and sent it his way. Gosh, that thing will be worth a fortune, so I hope he hangs on to it. He didn't seem as happy at receiving it as I was to give it.
Saban Field at Bryant-Denny Stadium. Roll Bama.
First, the important stuff. Did ya'll notice those cool 'Bama shirts we were all wearing on the sidelines? Yeah, you guessed it, the King picked that out himself. I wanted to wear Birks with the pants, but nobody - including Terry - thought this was a good idea.
Appalachian State? Are you kidding me? The ESPN blowhards kept saying how they really were a championship team, even though they came from a lower level. But are you serious? Did any of this press dudes pick Appy State before kickoff? Hell no. The press are sheep. Again.
Pumpkin Boy got his ass kicked out in Berkeley. You know, on the one hand I wanted them to beat Cal for SEC supremacy, but on the other, it was pretty nice to see the Big Orange do the Big Flop. Somebody just turned up the heat in Knoxville.
Notre Dame sucks. Somebody schedule them for us immediately.
Auburn. Jester looked like he was about to wet his pants late in the fourth quarter. Can you imagine if they had actually lost? I heard the Auburn Board of Trustees was already warming the plane for a coaching search. If Kansas State can nearly pull the upset, I'm looking forward to our little visit over there already.
The Western Carolina Catamawhos did a great job .... playing road kill. I told ya, there would be all kinds of ceremonies, and one major butt-kicking. I wasn't even far off on the score prediction. #29, whatever his name is, did a great job. That first touchdown was pretty electrifying. Sabamania was, well, Sabamania. Get out the straw hats baby.
Mal said I should do something nice for their coach. So I signed a football with the score on it and sent it his way. Gosh, that thing will be worth a fortune, so I hope he hangs on to it. He didn't seem as happy at receiving it as I was to give it.
Saban Field at Bryant-Denny Stadium. Roll Bama.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Game Day: Western Carolina
Folks have been clamoring all week for me to let you guys in on what's gonna shake out at Bryant-Denny this evening. First, a little housekeeping.
As much help as we gave Croom's staff, it's amazing they got their ass kicked like they did against LSU - at home, no less. I'm not sure Lester's team is that good, but it it pretty clear State has no talent. 45-0? At home? The ESPN blowhards kept saying how State had improved over last year. True, they gave up 52 points last year. I can't wait to take my team over there.
So this day is gonna be full of all kinds of ceremony - for the King Saban Era begins a little after 6pm this evening. I started the day with some light meditation and yoga, followed by a full breakfast. Terry can certainly scramble some eggs. I had her play a little Skynard while I drank my Sabamoca. You know, those are sweet sounds.
Oh yeah, we're playing Western Carolina Catamawhos. Their AD said he would knock $5k off the check we owe them if I shook his hand before game time. Wow. I'm more King than I thought. Mal says this is a nice gesture on my part. I think it's economics.
Anywho, the crowd will roar a few times while we go through warm-ups. Then I will run out with the team to the sounds of other former Kings here - Bryant, Stallings, and then Me. Yep, I'm gonna be on the jumbotron. You guys will absolutely pee in your pants when you hear me coming booming over the loudspeakers. "We have an opponent in this state that we work everyday, 365 days a year, to dominate." Hell yes. Sabamania will be out of control.
We'll get up 30-0 with the starters. I'll pull them out, then we'll limp in with a 47 - 3 victory. Pretty nice way to start my reign here in T-town. Write down the score, it's going on my statue next to Bear in a few years. Roll Bama.
As much help as we gave Croom's staff, it's amazing they got their ass kicked like they did against LSU - at home, no less. I'm not sure Lester's team is that good, but it it pretty clear State has no talent. 45-0? At home? The ESPN blowhards kept saying how State had improved over last year. True, they gave up 52 points last year. I can't wait to take my team over there.
So this day is gonna be full of all kinds of ceremony - for the King Saban Era begins a little after 6pm this evening. I started the day with some light meditation and yoga, followed by a full breakfast. Terry can certainly scramble some eggs. I had her play a little Skynard while I drank my Sabamoca. You know, those are sweet sounds.
Oh yeah, we're playing Western Carolina Catamawhos. Their AD said he would knock $5k off the check we owe them if I shook his hand before game time. Wow. I'm more King than I thought. Mal says this is a nice gesture on my part. I think it's economics.
Anywho, the crowd will roar a few times while we go through warm-ups. Then I will run out with the team to the sounds of other former Kings here - Bryant, Stallings, and then Me. Yep, I'm gonna be on the jumbotron. You guys will absolutely pee in your pants when you hear me coming booming over the loudspeakers. "We have an opponent in this state that we work everyday, 365 days a year, to dominate." Hell yes. Sabamania will be out of control.
We'll get up 30-0 with the starters. I'll pull them out, then we'll limp in with a 47 - 3 victory. Pretty nice way to start my reign here in T-town. Write down the score, it's going on my statue next to Bear in a few years. Roll Bama.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
