Check it out - I'm even a celebrity in Business

It's wonderful being the King.

Hot damn, check this out from Forbes. Finally, somebody has some common sense relative to the value I'm creating for the University of Alabama brand. Dude, I may well be the brand. This is not a cost equation for the University, 

it's a freakin money generation machine coming from me, myself, and I. The University's football program had $32m in profit last year (even after paying me). I'm not just a coach. I'm the CEO.

Let's think back.. 92,000 show up for practice last year. 72,000 show up this year. Neutral site games in Jacksonville and Atlanta. The greatest recruiting class in the history of sport. Don't get me wrong, I loved the circus clowns that ran the 'Bama football program the decade before me, but they didn't exactly leave the cupboard full on any level. Hell, I haven't even been here two years yet, and my claim to greatness here is unquestionable. Bryant Denny Saban Stadium. I like it.

One of my favorite quotes in the article is some crap about how I was given control of everything. Yeah, right. If Mal wanted me to step foot on campus and save his ass from getting shitcanned, I told him he'd have to give me the keys. To everything. Then I said I want $32m. And he did. Then I said I would think about it. Should have seen the dude sweat.

Cajun Potty Mouth and Jester "I have a new offensive genius" Tuberville must truly be scratching their gazongas this morning. The 'Bama juggernaut is already headed towards championships, and we get free press in Forbes. Not just in Forbes, but the damn cover. Wonder how much that ad would have cost us?

Roll Bama. 

King Nick.

It's time: The Process, Take Two

Folks, I can't believe it's been a year since I kept you abreast of the comings and goings of King Nick. I'm not going to sugar coat this crap - that slide to end 2007 totally sucked. So I hunkered down, and went and wrangled the best recruiting class in history. Most of them will probably play this year.

For all the emails I've gotten since January asking if I'm the "real" Nick Saban. Of course, why else would I be here? I hope all of you have received the autographed footballs I sent.

There have been a number of "football guys" prognosticate that we'll finish third in our division. It's the same bunch of yahoos who pick Florida to win the East, but Georgia to win the national championship. Dumbasses. Seems like I should weigh in here to help you guys out.

First of all, anybody who thinks "this is Clemson's year" has obviously been in a whole for 15 years. If I had a nickel every time I heard that I'd be rich. Glad we'll be able to put that notion to rest on August 30. No reason to make the Clemson fans carry-on delusional for too long. It just ain't good for anybody.

The Jester: dude, WTF? They have a new offensive "genius," and nobody on their team that has actually run that very potent offense from Troy somethin State. Top 10? Somebody is smokin somethin good, and I wish they would share it.

Phat Phil: all the bitchen about the subpoena. Dude, folks down here still think the Civil War is in progress - you think a bunch of our alumni who feel totally butt-you-know-what are going to just let this slide? You must be jokin. Pretty cool they took my recommendation on timing.

Lestor Miles: ok, the comment about all the schools from Lousiana beating 'Bama. Gotta say, I admire your bravado. But I can't tell you what an idiot you were for not taking the Michigan job. After a couple of crappy seasons with your own jail-house recruits, you'll be run out on a rail.

Mr Petrino: knew you'd see the light - just didn't think you'd run out of Atlanta like somebody escapeing a crime scene. Wait, that actually makes sense. Welcome home. Looking forward to the Fayatteville ass kicking.

UGA: not exactly a #1 team. Will probably lose a couple before October.

Croom: you're pretty nice. And it will be nice to see State slip back to 4-7 in this version of the Croom Era. Wonder if you get a trophy for that.

Nuttmeister: Ole Miss sucks. Always has, always will.

That's a pretty good intro to get us back on track. They are working on my statue for the area outside of Bryant Denny Saban Stadium - need to go supervise.

Roll Bama.

King Nick