Wow, I can't believe it

As we head to Saban Bowl I, all I've heard is how pissed off the "LSU Nation" is at me for coming back to college football. Maybe it's just a bunch of bullcrap from the media. I mean, come on, they never mislead their readership with an exaggeration of the facts, do they? Well, Mal says I'm liked by everybody. And I guess this means LSU Nation. Check out this shot from Debra in Tuscaloosa - looks like they miss me.
Roll Bama.

It's my birthday; my gift to Les Miles

You know, somebody told me that Lester was feeling a little blue at all the attention I'm getting leading up to this game. After all, his birthday is in a couple of weeks. I decided that I should honor this where all good things come together in the Universe. Kinda like Crimson Carma.

So I sent him this autographed picture. More importantly, I left him a little note that you can't read on the image here. But it says, "Dear Lester, Best Wishes. Maybe you'll experience the feeling of this photograph at your next coaching job. Yours Truly, King Nick."

Roll Bama.

It's my Birthday Today. And Halloween. Scary stuff.

This has been a great year for the King, no doubt. Today I'm turning 56, so don't forget to send cards and letters. No gifts are required. Mal game me four million of those a year last January, and frankly, just having to watch Les Miles squirm on the sideline of Saban Field at Bryant Denny Stadium this weekend is gift enough.

Saban Bowl I Mania heats up

Folks, it's almost that time. While drinking my Sabamoca this morning, I decided to take the New York Times back to the throne for a sit-down. There it is - front page of the sports section, yet another story on the insecurity of the LSU coach and fan base. I know I'm the King, but this is even a little bit bigger than the Tuscaloosa News.

This quote from LSU fan Linda Hendricks caught my eye: “He could have been governor. He could have been president. Now he’s a traitor. He’s not even sexy anymore.”

Uh, Linda, if you have deep enough pockets in the state of Louisiana, you can be anything you want. Last I saw, most of it is like Lester's house is gonna be in a month or so: for sale. And Linda, you know I'm sexy.

These poor LSU fans, I just don't get it. They were losers before I got there. I brought them a championship, and unbelievable athletes. They can't even enjoy all the winning while they have it. Before long, 'Bama will rule the SEC West again, and LSU championships will be nothin but a memory.

Roll Bama.

Textbooks? Who needs 'em

So I guess by now you've heard: my boys are so interested in class that they were caught with extra textbooks. Hey, they are just trying to quench their thirst for knowledge. Reminds me of an email I received last week from Bobbie Jane in Andalusia. I'm not suggesting that all 'Bama fans can't spell, I'm just sayin.... these dudes can come party at my house any time.

Mal says I'll probably get a letter from our Director of Media Relations for this, but after beating the Hell out of Pumpkin Boy, he doesn't seem to care what I do. Benefits of being the King.


Roll Bama.

Some Cajun Hunting

Much love to Cindy Lou from Baton Rouge for this shot. I feel like there is much to say about this photo, but I'm guessin the picture says it all.

By the way, did ya'll hear that comment I made about the upcoming game "being all about the players" and not about the coaches at all? Ok, that is crap. I wanted to say the right thing. Mal said I should. But truthfully, for my own self gratification, I hope we kick LSU's ass. How great would it be to take LSU players and beat 'Bama 3 years ago, then turn around and beat those LSU players with my 'Bama kids on November 3? Says something about my great coaching.

I hope Les Miles goes for about 8 first downs on fourth down in a couple of weeks.

Roll Bama.

I'm calling it Saban Bowl

It's true, I am the King, but I had no idea how good it felt to beat the Pumpkin Boy from Saban Field at Bryant Denny. Holy crap, that was such a beating that it was as if Bear Bryant himself was on the sideline. Except he wasn't. I was. The King.

Of course I had my boys ready to play. For starters, I was tired of hearing that bullcrap all week out of Ole Miss about that replay. The guy was out of bounds, and you suck, ok? You are Ole Miss. Understand your place in the Kingdom.

Second, it was Tennessee. We all know how Pumpkin shredded this program with the NCAA (thus creating my throne for me down the road). His miscalculation was that a coach worth a damn would be worthy enough to win and clean up the mess he helped create. I'm convinced the orange porker was behind this textbook mess last week right before game time.

In case you haven't noticed, we're #1 in the SEC West and play Lester's bunch in two weeks here in T-town. It's very confusing: all these folks in Louisiana have these anti-Saban t-shirts. Don't they remember I actually won a national title there? Coach Cajun Potty Mouth truly has no brains, and will surely screw this season up for the state of Louisiana. Come on, that touchdown pass in the waning seconds against Auburn wasn't brave, it was stupid. All he needed was a field goal. And if his boy had bobbled it, Auburn wins, and the LSU Chancellor sticks a "for sale" sign in Lester's front yard.

Ok, enough about all that. We have a big game in two weeks. I'm calling it Saban Bowl. Yeah, that's right. Kinda like Super Bowl, only bigger. None of the Lincoln Abe Financial crap for a start time either. 5pm in the afternoon, so plenty of time for all of you to get tanked up before game time.

Sabamania. Saban Bowl. Beating LSU. It's that happy Carma where all good things in life come together at once. Lester Miles, SIUYA.

Roll Bama.

Welcome me back King Saban

Yes, it's been a few weeks and another loss since we last got together. Truth is, I've been busy planning for the second half of the season with little time for fanfare. And, of course, losin kinda sucks. I keep telling the media freps to lay off, but they insist on stirring up controversy down here. In the meantime, thanks for all the emails.

I think our boys are making some nice strides. We don't know how to play 60 minutes yet, but I expect that to improve as the season ebbs on.

On a lighter note, did ya'll see ol Lester yesterday? Dude lost to Kentucky. A team that wears all blue uniforms. LSU gets to #1 for exactly one week for the first time since Moses walked the earth before Coach Cajun Potty Mouth squirrels away a two-touchdown lead at Kentucky in the fourth quarter. Those media guys were all about "Saban who" after their "big" win over Florida. Funny, they can't go a week down there without talking about what a great job I did while I was coaching there. I don't think LSU lost to Kentucky while I was there.

Wonder what bowl LSU is headed to after they finish third in the SEC West? Music City? I'm guessin LSU Alums already have the jet fueled up for Lester's moved to Ann Arbor.

It's Pumpkin week. Nope, not Halloween. It's Fulmer in Tuscaloosa. Let the Sabanoia begin. Lincoln Abe Financial, start kissing my butt if you want an interview. Can't believe those freps at CBS chose Kentucky vs Florida over the Third Saturday in October. Morons. Don't they know we keep our fans glued to their seats until the buzzer every single week?

Auburn, LSU, and Tennessee. And CBS. SIUYA.

Roll Bama.